


Sing Willow, Willow

by anonachaplin



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, F/M, I'm embarrassed already, Knotting, MGiT who is not the Inquisitor, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Modern Girl in Thedas, Pregnancy Kink, Shameless Smut, Size Difference, Topping from the Bottom, Voice Kink, WoC MGiT, love at first fuck, mute character, this is not high art
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-08-03 14:45:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 21,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16328003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonachaplin/pseuds/anonachaplin
Summary: She fell through a rift to a new world, now she's just gotta live in it. Everything feels so new and foreign, especially her crush on Cullen Rutherford.Your basic Mary-Sue Modern Girl in Thedas silliness, but instead of becoming a mage or the Inquisitor, she became an omega.





	1. Chapter 1

I don’t remember how I got here. I really wish could.

There was some light maybe, and then just...moments. Pieces of half-forgotten memories. I was naked and alone. I knew my skin was cold but I was burning.

They say when they found me, I was howling. Now when people see me, I think they still wonder why. People trade looks when they think I can’t see, whisper small things they think I can’t hear, _“Poor little Omega.”_

I don’t know how they decided to call me that. I know they called me that during my fever, as they set up a camp around me and patrolled the area. I remember rough cloth on my forehead and soft words in my ear, _“You’re safe, we’ll protect you from Alphas.”_

Hell if I knew what that meant. But the pain kept coming in waves, almost like cramps, and I couldn’t form the words. I never said a thing during the pain and it just sort of stayed that way. Telling them where I came from, how I came to be naked in the woods, it seemed too much. So I got away with downward glances and tearful eyes. The soldiers didn’t know what to do, so they gave me clothes and let me follow them.

Before I saw Skyhold, I could tell myself I was still in my world. But as I walked under its colossal gate, I knew I hadn’t just been found by some LARPers without their cells. This shit was way too big and way too elaborate to be anything but real. And this shit definitely didn’t exist in my world.

As I entered the courtyard, a barrage of smells hit me. There was just this inherent stench of people, as if the stones and mud were soaked with it. The soldiers left me with Corporal Vale next to the gate while they went to find the Inquisitor.

“--Omega we found in the woods, Inquisitor.”

I looked up to see two women and two men coming forward with the Captain of my soldiers.

“She’s not much of a talker, but she isn’t deaf.”

A woman with short red hair came forward to look more closely at me. I caught a whiff raspberry on her--it must have been her breakfast--and my stomach growled.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone like her before,” she said softly, her eyes peering into mine. I think I had a guess to why, I hadn’t seen anyone who looked remotely Asian, let alone half-Chinese, half-white. “Where are you from, Omega?”

My eyes went immediately to my hands. It was a deflection, but it was also desperation. I couldn’t talk about home, or my bike, or my cat… My breath caught and my hands came to my chest--I swear, I was never this close to a panic attack.

An arm reached out, steadying me and with it came a sense of cedars and sycamores. A strong tree, holding me up in the world. I followed the arm to see a tall blonde man. His light brown eyes met mine with earnest concern, and suddenly I felt I could breathe again.

“We could just make her tell us,” the redhead suggested, snapping my comfort.

I didn’t know what she meant, but I didn’t like the sound of her voice.

“Leliana, you know I don’t hold with that,” the other man said. He came forward and my eyes widened. This man...this man had pointed ears. He was like a dark-haired Legolas, but his eyes were inhumanly large.

“Inquisitor, perhaps--”

“Perhaps nothing,” he cut her off. “Until we find out she is dangerous, I won’t assume it. I won’t let you use your Voice.”

Something about the way he phrased it made it sound like Voice was a thing. What kind of thing, I didn’t know, and didn’t really want to find out.

The other woman came forward, a beautiful, brown woman. At least I wasn’t surrounded by only white people...and an elf. “Am I right in thinking you are from a noble house?” she asked kindly.

Noble? I shook my head, no. She frowned in confusion, giving a slow look over. “Forgive me, but your hands…” She took hers in mine, her curious fingers just gracing the pads of my hands. “If you are not a lady, how could you have such hands?”

I looked down again. She had a point. Vague high school memories came back to me about medieval times, something about the three classes...nobles, priests, and workers. If this society was anything like that, then I didn’t make a lot of sense.

She reached out to touch my face and I flinched away. She stepped away immediately, murmuring an apology. The four of them moved off to discuss what to do with me. I should have been nervous, but I couldn’t tell what would be worse--them sending me away or them having me stay.

After a few minutes, the elf turned back to me. “You may stay in Skyhold. If we catch wind of any trouble, may the Dread Wolf take you.”

I nodded solemnly. No idea what he said, but I got the full meaning.

It took a few days to find something to do. At first I drifted through, following tides of people wherever they seemed to be headed. By the second day I had the basic geography down, I had found the bathhouse and the latrines, and it was warm enough that I could sleep in the barn. Unfortunately that meant Dennet, who seemed to be in charge, thought I would be good with the horses, and I proved in no uncertain terms I wasn’t. A horse nearly squished me into the stable wall on the right side, which Dennet emphatically roared was the wrong side.

I left with my head hung to find somewhere new to sleep. I was too afraid to go into main part of the castle, but I had noticed the little tavern near the steps the day before. Wandering in, there weren’t that many customers yet, just a harassed-looking man behind the bar. He had a book open in front of him, and I could hear him counting.

Standing in front of him, I realized he was a dwarf. So white people, elves, and dwarves. This was my life now.

I could see he was doing his accounts. From the sound of it, he wasn’t very good at math. He looked up at me, glared, then went back to doing his figures. Tilting my head sideways I followed his eyes to the bottom of the page, mental math was always easy for me.

When I was ready, I waved my hand in his face. He pointedly ignored me.

I tried sliding the book toward me, but he wapped my hand away.

Making an annoyed grumble, I came around the side of the bar and put my hands in his face -- five fingers, seven fingers, two fingers -- the answer was 572.

Squinting at me skeptically, he slowly checked my work. He got it wrong the first time, but the second time I showed him where to carry the two he had missed.

“You the mute?” he asked. I gave him a blank look. I suppose I had to be, I hadn’t heard about any other people not speaking around here.

He gave an ironic snort when I didn’t answer. “You looking for a job?”

I nodded.

He sighed. “Well, you clearly don’t mind people ignoring you, so you won’t let them slide if they don’t pay.” He sounded as if he was convincing himself. “10 coppers a week, plus tips if you can get them.” He stuck out his hand. “I’m Cabot.”

I met his hand firmly. I put my hands under my head, pretending I was sleeping, then opened my arms wide with my eyebrows raised. _Where can I sleep?_

"There's a room on the third floor. You can have it, now get to work."

I nodded. At least now I had somewhere to sleep and something to do.


	2. Chapter 2

My first night I had a fleeting moment of embarrassment. How pissed would my parents be, seeing me given a whole new opportunity in a new world, and I’m still fucking waitressing. I could almost hear my mother whining about me wanting to become an actress again--I _wanted_ to hear her, _wanted_ to hear her disappointment. It kept her real.

But when it was too real, it was also too painful. I felt my mind shut that door firmly, unwilling to go further into it. Just at that moment a mammoth walked in, helping my mind stay off that topic.

My jaw dropped, I really couldn’t help it. The thing was huge--definitely male--with horns coming out of his head. Like a giant humanoid bull, with arms and legs, and only one eye. Cabot leaned over to me, carefully pulling his pour. “That’s the Iron Bull. He’s big, but he’s not dangerous.” He gave a short laugh. “At least to us.” He elbowed me in the ribs. “Go take his order, plenty of money to be made when he’s around.”

I could guess why. Enough time waitressing and you’ll recognize the life of the party when you see it. The Iron Bull was the type to spend big money and bring in loads of customers. As I got closer, he had a strong smell of the sea about him, as if he had just come in from the shore. He seemed to notice me just as I noticed him--nose first.

His head swung to give me a huge smile.

“Omega,” he boomed. The bar quieted. “You the new barmaid?”

Nodding, I drew level with his table. I spread my hands in a question-- _what’ll it be?_

The Iron Bull moved to pull me onto his lap, but I moved away with a practiced twirl. I’d had enough drunk customers get handsy to know some evasive maneuvers. He quickly put his hands up as if surrendering. “I won’t try it again,” he told me, folding his hands across his chest, then winked. “Unless you want me to.”

I gave him a sardonic glare, _as if_ , which he laughed at. “Leliana and Josephine weren’t kidding, I’ve never seen anyone like you before.”

I put my hand on my hip as if to say _I’m still waiting for your order_.

“Ale for me and the Chargers,” he said, jerking his thumb at the table full of people.

Nine pulls later and a good balancing act, I returned with full steiners on trays. This was a crowd I knew I’d always have a steady income from. They were clearly regulars, and weren’t stingy, putting down a copper for me just for bringing their order. I made a note to get as many of their names as I could, names and their usual orders.

Three days later I was helping tabulate the new shipment in the courtyard, when I saw that man from my first day here. The one who smelled like light through a haze of dense leaves. I was going over the merchant’s records when I caught him out of the corner of my eye.

I was glad he hadn’t seen me, I wanted to get a good look at him. My eyes traced over his cheekbones to a network of wrinkles along his temples. He was older, maybe as old as forty. His hair was mostly blonde, but I could see some gray and white lurking along his forehead. I felt a warmth rise up in me as I looked down to his lips. There was a scar on one side, it was probably the closest thing this man had to a flaw. I bit my lip as my eyes traveled downward. He was clearly well built and strong, even under all that armor.

He seemed to sense my eyes on him and turned from his conversation with a soldier towards me. I quickly put my eyes back on the merchant, who was still going on about the troubles he’d had on the road. I had this prickly feeling he was giving me the same kind of look I had been giving him.

That night was fairly quiet. The Chargers had gone big the night before, so they were drinking much slower. The doors and windows were open to keep a breeze coming through. His scent entered before he did, strong and sturdy. Holding my arms across my ribs, I leaned against the bar to get a better taste. I couldn’t explain how I knew it was him or why I wanted it so bad, maybe smells were different in this world.

He was still in his armor, and he looked exhausted. Impulsively I poured a shot of whiskey and put it in front of him.

He gave a soft laugh, his face crinkling at my guess. “That obvious?”

I gave a sarcastic shrugged. _Only if you have eyes._

He held up the shot as if to cheers me. I met his glass with my tankard of sweet tea. It wasn’t quite up to snuff yet, I hadn’t been able to leave it in the sun long enough. But I now had a row of glasses on my windowsill for the future.

“I’m Cullen,” he said after the shot, clearing his throat. “Cullen Rutherford.”

Looking back, I suppose I could have written my name down for him, but at the time, it didn’t occur to me. Instead I just smiled at him.

“Everyone’s calling you Omega, but that’s not right,” he muttered. He leaned forward slightly and I got another punch of his heady scent. “What about Meg?”

My smile broadened. I think I didn’t want to hear my old name again, I didn’t want to think of my old life. A better person probably would have done better, tried harder, even without their voice. But I wasn’t that person.

“Meg it is, then,” he said, returning my smile. “One more for the road?”

He kept his eyes on me as he took his shot, a blush creeping up my neck. I felt an itch on my shoulder, but I didn’t want to scratch it, I didn’t want to move. My mouth moved just a little forward, as if hoping to taste the moment between us.

He gave me a long, lingering smile, then put two coppers down.

“Good night, Meg.”


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn’t get his voice out of my head. It was rich and deep, but so soft. The next few nights, when I put my head down on my pillow, I tried not to do a lot of things. Not to think of his laugh, not to remember his smell, not to imagine what he would be like in bed.

But it was easier to think about those things than to think about home. He started to come in every couple nights, usually for a shot, but one time he stayed for a beer. That time he had drank with the Iron Bull and his team. I couldn’t help being disappointed, I wished he had stayed at the bar to talk to me instead.

That was also the same night I found out he was the Commander of the Inquisition’s army. Krem yelled it across the bar when he was ordering Cullen a drink, and I tucked it away from later. When I had time to think about it, I was surprised. He was so mild mannered and nice to me. I knew the sword at his side couldn’t be just for show, but I hadn’t realized before that Cullen was probably a killer. He probably had wounds and scars all over his body, like the one on his lip. The thought should have horrified me, not made me feel safer.

He never left a tip though. At first I thought it was an accident, then I thought he was stiffing me, but then something occurred to me: I don’t think he wanted any money between us. I don’t think he wanted me to feel indebted or something.

A week after his first time, he came in looking wearier than usual. The anxiety was coming off of him in waves. I put a shot glass in front of him, then thought better of it and added a second. He looked like he needed both.

He gave a small laugh at my intuition, but instead of taking both, he picked one up and offered it to me. Looking from the shot glass to him, I felt the quiet pleading in his eyes. I made a flash decision: He wasn't drinking alone tonight. Cabot was upstairs arguing with Sera and what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

As I took the shot glass, Cullen reached out an index finger to brush my hand. That little touch sent a strange jolt of electricity down my spine, and I bit back a gasp. Christ, I knew I had to look like shit. I was still wearing the clothes the soldiers had given me and my hair missed the days of shampoo and conditioner instead of lye. But right then, I felt fucking hot. I arched up straight in my stool, as if I was trying to pose. And he--he had dropped his tight shoulders, lost some of his sadness, as though our touch had relaxed him.

“We’re marching in a week, Meg,” Cullen told me quietly. “I've got to fight the Grey Wardens on shitty terrain with barely-graduated recruits." I knew, despite not understanding, that he thought this could go bad.“They’re good kids, but we don’t have many trained soldiers, and I…”

He looked up to my eyes and stopped, his face pulling itself into a mask. Placing his hands flat on the bar, he took a deep breath. It was a practiced move, like someone who was trying to unlearning a bad habit. He must not have meant to tell me that much. “Leliana would say I should not tell you such things.”

He leaned a little more forward over the bar. “That just because you’re mute doesn’t mean you can’t communicate.”

I realized this was the first time I had seen him without armor, and his scent was so much stronger without it. Between that and his tone, my back arched a little tighter, desperate to rub my shoulder blades together. God, it was my weirdest seduction. His eyes caught the movement and became unreadable. I’d never tried using chest before, but my heart was beating so fast and my body was just reacting. My teeth bit into my lip, and I felt a small pang of anxiety...why wasn’t he moving on me?

But he kept his damn hands flat on the bar and took a fucking breath. Then a slower, more serrated one. “You shouldn’t do that, Meg, you don’t know what you’re asking for.”

He was right, I had no idea who the fuck Cullen Rutherford was, but I was desperate for him. I wanted him to touch me again, to smile and whisper my name over and over… I met his eyes and warmth broke out under my skin.

“ _Piss off_ , Cabot!”

As Sera and Cabot came tearing down the stairs, I reeled backward in embarrassment. Christ, I hoped they didn't see that. My face went the reddest I'd ever felt it, and judging from Cullen's face, he felt the same. Scrubbing at the back of his neck with one hand, he pushed two coins on the bar with the other. He was turning away, getting up, leaving. “Wish me luck…”

It was so quiet, I almost didn’t hear it, but _no, I needed him to see me_. I grabbed his hand and held it tight. Our eyes met, I think I looked as surprised as he did. I gave him a self-conscious smile, hating that I was suddenly fucking allergic to acting fucking normal. Squeezing his hand between mine, I gave him a hopeful look: _Good luck._

“Stop leaving your things outside your door,” Cabot snapped at Sera.

I dropped his hand immediately.

“Stuff needs places, Cabot.”

“Then requisition something like _everybody else!”_

Cullen gave a short nod and made for the door. I watched him, hoping he would turn around and give me one last look. Just as he was about to exit, he turned and met my eye. He gave me one last smile, then left.

After that, Cullen had no time for anything but work. True to his word, the Inquisitor, his advisors, and most of Skyhold emptied out a week later to march to war.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feed the writer. Open to constructive criticism/wishlists for what's to come!


	4. Chapter 4

Skyhold felt like a ghost town.

There were just enough soldiers to man the walls, plus the servants and merchants, which was maybe a total of 200. I realized people were at least a little used to this, as the first few days were quite lazy. Aside from the soldiers, everyone was sleeping in and taking meals at different hours. After two days of indulgence though, the work really began.

That morning Cabot woke me up with three smart raps and the sound of a bucket hitting the floor. “Scrubbing day!” he announced when I opened the door.

It was backbreaking work, carrying the bucket from the water pump to the tavern, then scrubbing the counters and floors. I developed my first blisters over those five days. Nasty, ugly suckers that I had to wrap up in linen to protect.

After the scrub came inventory and future estimates. At first it was an argument, Cabot mistrusting my numbers. But after several hours of rude exchanges and emphatic silences, he finally realized I was right. We never had another fight over numbers again.

It was a job, but it wasn’t a purpose. At home I had _‘tried’_ to be an actress. My mother always that when she explained it. Frankly, I had succeeded at being an actress, just not a well-paid one. Little plays here and there in LA, but never anything major. Here, I don’t think they even had theater. Maybe something like commedia dell’arte, but I hadn’t exactly seen a puppet here either.

Home was becoming more and more abstract. My apartment was losing its shape, I couldn’t remember how Caramel sounded when she meowed. Someone had to have found her, someone had have taken her in. I wondered what my mother was doing, if my dad had lost the TV remote again. I could slip into these thoughts so easily, fall deeper into the memories, but it felt like drowning under broken ice.

So instead I thought about Cullen. A lot.

I was twenty-nine goddamn years old, why was I behaving like I was thirteen again? I realized my hormones were definitely fucked here because I hadn’t gotten my period. At first I thought I had to be pregnant, then I remembered I hadn’t had sex in six months. Maybe it was the change in diet and all the fucking stress; maybe it was my shitty hormones reacting to being off the pill and processing my shitty thoughts that was making me blush every time I thought about Cullen’s hand in mine.

Fuck I wanted him. I wanted him like I’d never wanted anyone.

Sometimes I would pass someone with their own smell, catch a whiff of their scent, and it would make my stomach heave a little. Nothing was as good as Cullen’s. And it was infecting my dreams.

They were oddly tame, given how desperate I felt. Cullen was always kissing me in them. His lips were gentle, sweet. But then he would take my head and cradle it gently to the side, exposing my neck. “ _My_ Omega.” The low growl always made my knees buckle, and he would catch me. He would nip and kiss his way down my jaw to my neck, then stop and inhale.

_“Mine.”_

I would always wake up, my shoulder stinging. The first time, I half-expected to find bite marks on my shoulder. More than once I woke up crying, not from the pain, but because what if he didn’t come back?

And that was generally the cycle of my days for a month. Cleaning, keeping the books, ordering inventories, and a spiraling personal life.

Then everyone simultaneously seemed to realize there was nowhere in Skyhold left to clean and people became restless. The tavern did better during this time than we had the whole month before. I realized war was a slow-ass process in this world. Made sense, without airplanes and tanks…

Fuck, I missed Netflix on those days. Netflix and Prime and Hulu. HBOGo and my parents’ cable logins…Books weren’t available to the public, so all I had were those weird fantasies I kept replaying in my head.

A few days later people lit bonfires and celebrated--the battle was won, the Inquisitor was coming home. Apparently everyone at the top had survived, including Cullen. The relief I felt at knowing he was safe was shocking to me. I understood what he had been up against (something about a man named Corypheus and the Grey Wardens), but his farewell had made me more anxious than I cared to admit.

That night marked a turning point, and everyone came out to party. And more customers meant more gossip. The advisors’ servants and heads of household had loose tongues when they drank. I learned little things that couldn’t even matter to a bartender. Things like how the Inquisitor likes his sheets, and Leliana keeps pet nugs. Other things were more interesting, like how the Inquisitor had a crush on one of his companions (Solas, who I hadn’t heard of before), and Cullen had served as a Templar.

“Templars” were something I only had a basic understanding of. It was weird that a name like that would exist here, I remembered a similar order of knights in our world. Here, they were supposed to protect mages (because of course, why the fuck didn’t this world have magic), but it was impossible to to miss how unpopular they were. The Inquisitor had allied with mages and they had some shitty stories about Templars. While being the Commander had surprised me, Cullen being a Templar confused me more--it didn’t match with the man who came to visit me in the tavern.

After that night, we were told to expect the army and “a host” of Grey Wardens in two weeks, and the aimlessness evaporated. All the servants were on a mission to make sure their arenas were in top working order for the larger numbers. The cooks hired more people, and Cabot mentioned potentially taking someone else on, if need be.

The day they came back, Cabot gave me the night off. There was to be a feast, drinks would be on the Inquisition for the night. The cooks had clearly been holding out on the rest of us for a least a week. Not that I would have blamed them. If I had known what they were cooking, I would never have left them alone. Shepherd’s pies filled with the softest vegetables and and beef, pasties of sweet cheeses and sharp onions, tender vegetables wrapped in fried bacon. I hadn’t eaten that good in ages, and not just in Thedas.

In spite of the cooks’ best efforts in making the best pies I’d ever tasted, I wasn’t truly happy until I spotted Cullen in the crowd. I smelled him before I saw again, and a content smile came over my face. I turned to look for him and there he was, already grinning too.

He gave a wave, but stayed in his conversation with the Inquisitor.

“You make him happy, but you don’t touch anyone else,” said a voice next to me.

A teenager, maybe 17 or 18 at most, was next to me. I had the sense I had seen him before, but I couldn’t place him. I think maybe he was the one who pointed out the glass containers I could use for my sun tea.

“You pass through without touching, you left your ripples in the other place.” I couldn’t understand, he made no sense. His voice was hollow, almost reedy when he said, “No, you couldn’t understand, you are unbelonging, there’s nothing like us in your world.”

He was gone as abruptly as he had arrived, leaving me blinking in confusion. It was as though he had read my thoughts, but ran them through Google Translate backwards or something.

“I see you met Cole?”

Relief flooded me at that voice, the voice I had been waiting a month and a half to hear. He was next to me now, giving me a reassuring look. “Everyone looks like that when he’s finished talking to them.”

I gestured to where he had been with confusion. How had he done that?

“The disappearing? Maker only knows. Solas,” Cullen pointed through the throng to an elf standing off by himself, “says Cole’s a spirit of compassion.”

I can’t imagine the face I gave him. A spirit of compassion? I didn’t even know what the fuck that meant. Whatever it looked like, it made Cullen want to reassure me more. “But he’s not an abomination--he’s...well, he’s not _harmless_ , but he’s harmless to the Inquisition.”

I was fucking weirded out. Every time I thought I had a handle on whatever the fuck was going on in Thedas, I was wrong. I hugged my arms to myself, uncomfortable.

Cullen must have sensed I wasn’t happy anymore. He brought his head down just a little to me to ask his question, bringing his scent with him. For whatever reason, just a sniff of him made me feel more relaxed. “How was it the past month?”

There was probably a code between the servants that we would never tell those on top about everything we did during that time. And really, even if I had words, I have no idea what I would have said. Instead I proudly held out my hands to show him my new callouses.

His glove hands came to let mine rest on top of his. He was giving my hands a thorough inspection. “You’ve been busy, Meg,” he said with surprise. I nodded, beaming. I don’t know why I was so proud, maybe I wanted to show him I didn’t spend the whole time daydreaming about his biceps.

He leaned down just a little closer, asking in a soft undertone, “So you’ve been happy?”

It was an intimate question, one I only mostly knew how to answer. I hadn’t been happy, not exactly, but I wasn’t unhappy about it. I should have been, I should have been trying to get home. But the thought of leaving the castle terrified me and I still didn’t know how I got here. I couldn’t get back without that. So I let my face tell the story, the emotions of homesickness, purposefulness, and exhaustion flicker across my eyes. His gloved hands tightened in mine.

“Do you want to leave the Inquisition?” he asked carefully.

My eyes widened--how the hell had I given him that impression? No, _no,_ I shook my head, definitely not. Whatever else, I needed this place. I wasn’t safe out there, I didn’t know anyone or how to defend myself. I knew the Inquisition didn’t need me, but I needed it. And frankly, I needed him.

Leather touched my cheek, Cullen was soothing me, and I was embarrassed how badly I wished it was his skin instead.

“I know that look,” he said huskily, his eyes now fixed darkly on mine. “You,” he spun around and took a goblet off a table, “need a drink.”

I gave a silent laugh at him reversing our roles. I had a vision of him in LA, getting scouted his first day working as a waiter--there’s no way that face would go undiscovered. He watched as I drank the wine, waiting patiently until I had finished it to take my hand. Something inside of me wanted to rip the glove off, but I held it back. He was leading me towards the dancing.

Dancing here looked like something out of a Jane Austen movie--all organized and neat, with everyone knowing their steps. Everyone was sort of improvising, most of it looked very informal, but there were certain things everyone knew when to do. I stopped on the edge of the crowd, not letting him take me farther in. Back home I would have been dancing long before I found him, but here I had no idea what the hell to do with my feet. They had never felt so clunky, not even the first time I tried pointe shoes.

“Do you dance?” he asked.

The easiest answer would have been to shake my head, but I nodded. It hurt to remember it, but I did use to dance. I was never going to be a professional, but I loved it. I loved soft barre music and bombastic pop, I loved ballet and belly dancing, and none of that existed in Thedas.

He was about to say something when a stocky bearded man came puffing him. He whispered something about the Grey Wardens to Cullen, gave me a short “milady”, then took off again.

Looking back to Cullen, I found disappointment etched all over his face. “That was Blackwall, he’s in charge of integrating the Wardens…” He sighed heavily, looking at the dancing then back to me. “Another time? Perhaps?”

The note of hopefulness was endearing. Giving his hand a last squeeze, I nodded. _How the fuck did I fall for the only unavailable man in a castle full of available men?_ Clearly some were taken--the Iron Bull had clearly set his sights on one of the mages--but everyone else seemed available.

 _Fuck it,_ I thought, going back to the table. _I’m drinking my sorrows tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please feed the writer comments! Open to constructive criticism/wishlists for what's to come!


	5. Chapter 5

After a few days, the excitement of the army returning wore off and Skyhold returned to its regular rhythm. Cabot and I were about to close down early after a slow night when Cullen came in. I had never seen him so frayed and broken, it was like he had unraveled. His normally tanned skin was sallow, his clothes looked as though they might have been slept in for a week.

I knew that look--people only came to a bar like that for one reason, everything else had failed them. My impulse to take care of him--to give him a shot or a steiner--was useless against that. When he sat down in front of me, his fists over his eyes, I shot Cabot a questioning look: Can I stay up with him? Cabot looked unimpressed but shrugged, as if to say, if you really want to, and went to bed.

And in spite of it being a long-ass day, I did really did want to help him. Something was eating Cullen, and I wanted to help. And all I really had was alcohol and company. Pulling a particularly old bottle of whiskey out, I got two glasses and came around to sit next to Cullen on a bar stool. I poured one for him, then a double for myself.

As I knocked them back, he watched me silently, looking guilty. As if he had done something personal to me… I remember one customer coming in with that look, saying he was a bad omen. He felt everywhere he went, he dragged his bad luck with him, ruining other people with it. I gave him a half-sarcastic joke about thanks for meeting me, then, and hung out with him the rest of the night. It was strange, having such a platonic moment replaying in my head. For the first time, I felt similarly to Cullen--not that I needed to fuck him, but that I needed to befriend him.

I tried to smile, nudging his glass closer to him. But he shook his head. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

_I do._

“I just…” He raised his shot, studying it in the light. “I just don’t want to be alone, I don’t want to do something I’ll regret.”

My bartending psychology was flawless. But he still managed to surprise me when he offered me his shot instead of taking it. “You have it.”

I lifted it carefully from the top, avoiding his ungloved hands. Something crossed his face, something like disappointment, and my other hand shot out to take his as I drank the shot. Between the heat of the alcohol and my weird hypersensitivity, I felt something like a blush coming over me, if a blush could be your full body.

His hand was rigid under mine though. I thought for a moment he didn’t like my touch, that maybe I had gone too far in this society ( _what are the fucking rules here?_ ) when his other hand came to rest on top of mine. They were so large, they completely covered mine. And despite their coarseness, his touch was gentle. His fingers ghosted the lines of my palm slowly, and I knew my heart was beating out of my chest.

“Do you believe in second chances, Meg?”

I was glad he was watching his fingers working over mine instead whatever face I gave him. God, assuming we ever had a first chance, I would need the biggest second chance to apologize to him. I opened my mouth, I wanted to speak, I needed to tell him…

But I couldn’t. I was too much of a coward. Instead I found myself nodding mutely.

A wave of frustration broke over me, and I think Cullen sensed it. His soft brown eyes met mine, and somehow it made me calmer.

“I want my second chance,” he whispered. “But what if I have earned it yet?”

 _What the hell could this guy have possibly done?_ I wondered. _Missed church one Sunday or whatever the fuck they had here?_

“What if I could be doing more?”

I looked up and oh Jesus, the whole time he had been calming my nerves, I had let his own anxiety mount. His eyes looked glassy, lifeless. That kind of shit...that’s more than one night can cure.

Slowly I took my hand away from him and his worry spiked--I could feel it needling me all over. No, I wanted to say, no, I’m still here. Instead I slid off my chair to stand in front of him. Even with him sitting, he was still taller than me.

Licking my lips self-consciously, I raised my hand to his cheeks. They were rough and unshaven, I’d barely seen so much as a five o’clock shadow on him before. Whatever fucked him up, fucked him up good. Tracing his cheeks with my fingertips, I cupped his face and shook my head slowly. _No._

“I...I could do better,” he whispered, a confession for a better woman.

_No._

I don’t know what it would cost him, but it wasn’t worth it. Maybe I was being selfish, because if he gave anymore there wouldn’t be anything else for someone like me. But it took one look to know even if I had selfish motivations, I wasn’t wrong--whatever else he could offer the Inquisition, it would cost him his life.

I wanted to tell him I believed him, I trusted him. And as I took a hand off his face to point to myself, he caught it in midair--as if he couldn’t stand the loss of contact.

Of course that meant both of us were touching my chest now. His eyes went dark and wide, and something like a growl escaped him. He stood so that he was towering over me and fuck if I didn’t want him. All of him.

“Meg,” he murmured, bowing his head to my ear. My back arched at his voice and that smell of a forest. Suddenly I remembered his scent clearly--I was thirteen, visiting the Redwood Forest with my parents and cousins. There was a tree down off of the path, and I took off my shoes to dance my way down the trunk to the creek. One of my all time favorite photos came from that, as I pirouetted gracefully down the heart of the tree. I kept it framed in my apartment, so I could always remember that moment.

I inhaled him deeply--he was just like those trees, strong and heady, but cleaner and just a note sweeter--but it wasn’t enough. I had to get closer, needed to explore… That sweet taste, what was it? I leaned deeper into his shoulder, my head almost resting on him.

Two hands came down on my shoulders, breaking us apart. “Meg...I…”

_Oh fuck, I fucked it up._

“No,” he said, as if he could hear me. Maybe it was written on my face. “No, it’s not you, I...I definitely want this,” he said, looking down between us. I followed his gaze to a sizable bulge in his pants. “Maker’s breath, Meg, I have to...shit, I’m so sorry…”

Was he apologizing for his _erection_? Oh Christ, I felt awful putting him in this position. But at the same, some kind of warm, thick feeling was unfurling my my gut. Even his rejection was turning me on.

He was suddenly breathing through his mouth, as if he couldn’t stand the smell of me. “Meg, I have go to, if I don’t…”

 _...I’ll tear you part_ , I thought desperately, wanting to curl my hands against his face again. I needed to be on his chest again--safe and warm and wanted.

He started to walk away and I panicked, grabbing his hand again. He took one look at my face and winced. “Meg, I’m sorry, it’s not...right.”

And with that, he left. Although I couldn’t help noticing he was bending slightly to hide his erection.

Immediately I burst into tears. Clearly he wanted me, but clearly he also didn’t want to do anything with me. Stomping upstairs, I threw myself down on my bed and cried myself to sleep. It wasn’t fair. Maybe it was whatever he was running from earlier, whatever he wanted a second chance for. What if it was another woman?

_Fuck._

It wasn’t fucking fair. God, I felt like I was a week away from my period. Anything could make me sob then, even some guy who I barely knew rejecting me, apparently.

Four days later and I hadn’t seen him. Not even in the courtyard, in passing. I was up early, cleaning glasses from the night before when Cullen burst in again.

“Meg!” he practically shouted, and I dropped the glass.

“Oh - sorry,” he muttered, coming to stand in front my bar. “I just...I have to go. Blackwall’s missing.”

I was pointedly refusing to look at him. I couldn’t give him the silent treatment, so I guess pretending he wasn’t there was going to have to do. Because apparently I’m a five-year-old again.

“Meg, I’m sorry for my behavior before. I just…”

“Cullen!” It was the Inquisitor, poking his head in.

“Meg, I wanted to do this differently, I wanted to court you and…”

“ _Cullen_ , we have to _go!”_ the Inquisitor yelled.

He winced, slamming his hand on the bar. “Maker’s breath, _I know_ ,” he shouted back. Turning back to me, he said, “I know I don’t have any right to ask you this, but it’s been almost three months since your last…” He looked uncomfortable, as though he didn’t want to say something. “...since you arrived. And would you...could you wait for me? I’ll be back as soon as I can, and I’ll be the best Alpha for you, I promise.”

I finally looked up. Something inside me, something instinctual and feral, loved what he said. I felt like I could purr with happiness, but I didn’t understand why.

“Please,” he whispered, hands coming up to hold me by the arms, his voice dropping an octave. “Meg, please. I’ll take such good care of you.”

The most rational side of me didn’t understand and was reeling in confusion. The other side, the part that had been sobbing the past few nights, was thrilled, was nodding my head for me, was agreeing to whatever the hell he was proposing.

His eyes lit up and suddenly he was looking down at me with pure amazement. “You won’t regret it, I promise.”

He leaned over, as if to kiss me, and my lizard brain turned my head to the side, as if offering my neck instead. _What the fuck body, do you think he’s a vampire?_

He took a deep inhale and bit his lip. He was clearly wrestling with something, and I guess the not-kissing-Meg side won. Instead he held my hands tightly and said, “Maker, if I start, I won’t be able to stop.” He kissed my forehead instead.

 _“Cullen, we are leaving!”_ shouted the Inquisitor.

“I have to go, but I’ll be back for you, I promise.” As he walked out, he didn’t turn away, holding onto my hands as long as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your comments are giving me life--thank you so much!
> 
> In case I didn't make it clear enough, Cullen came to see her after that lyrium-throwing scene with the Inquisitor.


	6. Chapter 6

That night my dreams stopped being tame. It started out the same way as before, except I didn’t wake up when Cullen bit me. And it lasted much longer. The next morning I woke up with the flu, or whatever the Thedas equivalent was. Well, the flu and some weird cramps. It was strange, I felt heavy and full and yet completely hollow at the same time. The emptiness felt something like hunger, but way below my stomach area. When I opened my door to go tell Cabot I wasn’t feeling well, I almost tripped over a neatly folded blanket. Bending down, I could smell Cullen on it and a spasm of warmth went through me. I wrapped myself up in it and inhaled deeply. It wasn’t the same as having him, but it was something.

Cabot was already up, moving around downstairs, and when he saw me coming, he looked frazzled. “Already?” he asked.

I assumed he meant “you’re sick already”, like any annoyed boss might. I nodded, but hadn’t taken a day off in my three months here, he could at least have been nicer about it.

Cabot grumbled but nodded, telling me he’d manage and to go somewhere else.

I crawled back upstairs and went back to sleep.

The next thing I knew someone was pounding on my locked door. “Come on, little Omega,” someone was shouting. “I got what you need.”

I shot up in bed, all tangled in Cullen’s blanket. I didn’t know that voice, and I sure as shit didn’t want him in my room.

“Come on,” he whined from outside the door. “I can smell how bad you need me.”

I curled deeper into the blanket. _What the flying fuck does that mean?_

On the other side of the door, I heard some swearing and then the man’s voice changed. **“Omega,”** his voice deep and reverberating in my chest. **“Open the door. ”**

I was on my feet before I knew what was happening. That voice...I didn’t want to listen, but I had to. I was halfway to my door when Cole fucking Apparated or whatever in front of me. Before, I could open the door, Cole had, and he had knives in his hands.

The man on the other side snarled, going to punch Cole, but he neatly sidestepped him and hit the asshole hard in the temple. He went down like a stone, and abruptly my weird compulsion stopped.

I couldn’t form full thoughts, I was shocked. What the fuck had just happened. Why the fuck had that just happened. How the fuck...who the fuck… I was hyperventilating, I never wanted that man, I had never even seen him before. Why would I ever have opened the door for him?

“You have a ripple now,” Cole said brightly to me. “He is not your ripple.” He kicked the unconscious man and the smell of stale beer and mouldy grapefruit filled my nose. I gagged on it, and Cole quickly put Cullen’s blanket back around my shoulders.

The Iron Bull appeared at the door. “Shit--he saw me coming, that’s why he used the Voice. I’m sorry, Omega.” He was breathing through his mouth, which he was covering with a cloth. I just stared at him in confusion. “We have to get her out of here,” he continued, shutting the door behind him. “We could put her in Cullen’s tower. No one would touch her there.”

I swooned--fucking _swooned_ \--at that thought. In his room, in his bed, his scent everywhere, his to use and--

“He hasn’t claimed her though--is it safe?” Bull asked.

Cole nodded. “ _I’ll be the best man I can for her...she said yes and I will be the Alpha she needs_ ,” he recited. The reminder of Cullen's promise made me flush.

“I gotta…” Bull looked at me, then crossed to the other side of the room. “I gotta get outta here or she’s gonna trigger my rut. I’ll clear the ramparts, you get her to the tower.”

The only word I heard was ‘rut,’ and even though I didn’t really understand what it meant, it made me curl deeper into my blanket. The moment he was gone through my other door, my fear evaporated, leaving me tired and confused. And horny. Really, _really_ horny.

Cole waited next to the other door, the one that led to the walls around Skyhold. His hand was on the door, like he was listening to its secrets. A minute or two later he offered his hand to me.

“I’ll take you to his room,” he whispered. “I won’t let them hurt you.”

It had to be safer than here. Wrapping Cullen’s blanket more firmly around me, I took his hand. Maybe it was how heavy I felt, or maybe it was real, I couldn’t say, but we flew. I could feel my legs running, but not nearly as fast as we were going. And true to Bull’s word, we didn’t meet a single guard along the way.

I knew Cullen’s tower by sight, it had had a massive hole in the roof when I first came, but now it was repaired. I was shocked at how sparse it was on the inside though. He was the Commander of an army, living with only a table, a chair, a couple bookshelves, a bed, and a nightstand. Cole helped me move up to the second level (I guess I could call it a bedroom?), and tucked me in under Cullen’s blanket.

“I’ll bring the ripple back,” he promised, then vanished.

I must have fallen asleep, because next thing I knew, Cole was back and he had food. I ate the cheese and onion pasties quietly. I was starving, but that wasn’t what I needed.

Things were becoming clearer and clearer, even as they made less and less sense. I needed cock. In a way that I had never needed it before in my life. I needed a huge fucking cock. Just the thought made me moan a little. And better than anything else would be Cullen’s. My whole body throbbed at the memory of him hard at the bar. If Cole could read my mind, he was thankfully keeping it to himself.

Cole left after that, leaving me alone.

The second he had Disapparated, my hands were on my body. I needed to be touched. I had no idea why I was like that, but there wasn’t any space in my mind for wondering about it. I needed an orgasm, and I needed it now.

I always loved my breasts, they were my favorite spot on my body. Maybe they could be bigger, but I didn’t care, they felt amazing every time. Light touches on my ribs, just the fingertips, imagining how reverent Cullen would be. He would be so gentle, so thoughtful. And when he would finally run his thumbs over my nipples, I would scream and he would have to take me.

My hand skidded down my body, desperate for more. Jesus, I was wet. My pants were soaked, and I hadn’t even noticed. Turning over so that my face was buried in his pillow, smelling like sweet sweat and whatever he used in his hair, my ass in the air.

I needed him to fuck me like this, as hard as he could. I needed him to pound me, to pull my hair, to tell me I’m _his_.

My orgasm took me by surprise. I’d never come that fast before. The spasms that crashed through me were unreal, as if my body was trying to absorb my hand.

I fell back to sleep moments later, my hand still between my thighs.


	7. Chapter 7

“Meg?”

My head shot up at the voice, my tiredness gone. I had been awake for hours, climbing the walls with emotions and lust. My day had been filled anger and frustration and loneliness, plus a desperate, unmitigated need for Cullen. Nothing could satisfy me. And I didn’t even have the brain space to wonder why. Instead I had been crying because my wetness had soaked into the sheets, polluting the pure smell of Cullen with my own. My body had been exhausted by hormones, and I couldn’t handle it.

And now, hearing that voice, smelling that scent, I wanted to be furious with him. I wanted to demand answers and rage at him and _make him pay._

“Cole sent a raven, I came as fast as I could.”

 _Not fast enough_ , I snarled.

The second I saw his blonde head coming through the trapdoor, I was on him. Tugging and pulling, trying to get him up faster. The man was still wearing armor. _How the fuck do I take off armor?!_

As he pushed through the trapdoor, I craned my arms around his neck so that he had to pull me up with him.

“Meg--”

His hands gripped my thighs tightly and I could see the work he was doing to not jump me...breathing heavily through his mouth, his expression closed and tight. I vaguely knew it had something to do with me being fully nude but I was too busy scrabbling at his chest to be modest.

“Are you sure _you want_ this?”

 _I wanted_ to fucking punch him. A fresh trickle of wetness escaped me and I watched as his pupils blew wider. My eyes lit up: _I’m gonna win this._

He pulled me tighter to him. “Tell me,” Cullen whispered, leaning his forehead down to mine. “Tell me you want this.”

_tell him tell him tell him_

My instincts took me over, I was so desperate for him to know. For him to understand. I reached up between us and put everything I had into our first kiss. It was an attack more than anything else. I needed him to fucking _know._ To share it with me.

I realized faintly he was walking us to the bed as I raked my nails down the back of his head. His mouth was moving just as furiously against mine, his hands pressing me into his cold armor.

We were bending backwards, we were falling into the mattress, we were kissing deeper and deeper. His mouth left mine and I moaned in my throat. I couldn’t bear his absence. There was banging and clanging--armor falling to the ground--and then he was on me again. Words cannot describe how angry I was when he used his fingers instead of his cock though. Scowling through my moan, I tried to tug at his breeches.

Cullen moved up to my ear. “I know,” he whispered over and over.

No he clearly fucking didn’t, because if he did, he wouldn’t have teased me like that. I scowled at him as pushed back on his hand, forcing myself deeper. I needed it, I didn’t care about fucking foreplay. My body was twisting and pulling me around his fingers, find just the right angle, getting me just right so that--

He moaned as I came silently on his fingers. I was completely breathless, still rigidly in the pose my instincts had found. Leaving his hand in me, he undid his breeches and slid them off. Cullen grabbed me firmly by the hips, pulling me back against him. There would be marks the next day, but I didn’t care. “I would have gone slow,” he whispered harshly. “I would have taken my time, I would have worshipped you.”

He bent down, his large body easily encompassing my tiny frame. I felt the head of his cock bump against me and my back arched in pleasure. “But I know what you really need.”

I groaned unevenly at his slam. Three months ago, I would not have been able to handle the cock that was now fully seated in me. Cullen would have had to make due with only maybe seven of his ten inches inside me. But here, now, I was completely full.

He began to move, punctuating each thrust with a grunt. I had never been loud in bed, something I think because of weird stereotype issues in my head, but something about Cullen made me want to be. He kept me moaning in my throat as his hands moved along my body.

Just as he thrust in, his right hand found my nipple. A croak echoed clumsily in my mouth, making him stop above me. I shook my head, pushing back-- _don’t stop._ Just because my voice was so disused, it didn’t know how to make a sound anymore, didn’t mean I wanted him to _stop._

His mouth came back to mine, stealing my moans away. I was so close now, and I knew he couldn’t last much longer either. His hand went back to my breasts and suddenly I felt my cunt constricting, I was about to finish.

“Meg,” he gasped over and over.

It should have been over and done with in a moment, like all my orgasms had been before. I shouldn’t have had to listen to him chanting someone else’s name like that. But it wasn’t ending. Something beyond our control was happening, as though our bodies were working of their own accord. My back shot off the mattress as something large at the base of his cock locked into my walls, and then we were both screaming.

I could feel his heartbeat deep inside me as we came back down. I didn’t meant to rock back against him, didn’t mean to enjoy it when he said “Meg” again. But this, whatever it was, was heaven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very open to constructive criticism on this!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So to avoid confusion over when an Alpha is using their Voice, I've changed the previous chapter so that Voice dialogue is in bold. Anything in italics here is just for emphasis.

Cullen slowly rolled us over so that I was on top, careful not to tug where we were connected. Blissed out as I was, I knew something was very different from any other time I had had sex. With my head resting on his chest, I let a hand drift downwards. He gave a soft moan as I touched in between our bodies, his cock spasming gently inside me. I couldn’t blame him, my cunt was just as tender and sensitive to the touch.

But there was definitely something large and thick at the base of his erection, something I’d never felt before. It seemed to make everything infinitely better, but I couldn’t understand why. Looking up at him, I slowly I walked my hands down his belly to push myself up. Pointing to the ridge, I made a confused face and then held out my arms: _What is this?_

Cullen had been dazily stroking my hair, watching my inspection. But at my puzzlement, he faltered. “...my knot?”

I shrugged. That term didn’t mean anything.

“My Alpha knot...you...you do know what a knot is, don’t you?” he added uncertainly.

I shook my head. _What the ever-loving fuck is a knot?_

He came up on his elbows, searching my face. “Meg, have you never…” he blushed, then gestured downwards “...with an Alpha?”

I shook my head, trying to think of how to explain I didn’t know what an Alpha was either. _Dammit, if I had a pen and paper, I could write it…_

The idea struck me so fast, I almost jumped up, until I felt our connection spasm. _Fuck, that hurt._ But as I rubbed back down on him, lust washed through me again. I flexed experimentally around him, then stopped--my body was getting distracted.

I shook out my head, trying to clear it, then held up my right hand. Slowly with my left index finger, I spelt out “A-L-P-H-A-?”.

Cullen looked as though his body was wrestling the same problems I was. He shifted slightly upward even as he tried to pay attention to my spelling. “Alpha?” he repeated. “You don’t know what an Alpha is?”

I shook my head, my hips starting to push back against him.

A tense sound stuck in his throat. “Do you know what an omega is?”

Again I shook my head, no. His eyes were dark in his frown when he looked up at me. I felt him stiffen slightly inside, and my head lolled back. It took a moment to realize that the bump--his knot--had gone.

Suddenly he came up off his elbows so he was holding me in his lap. His back curved slightly so that our foreheads could touch. “I am an Alpha, and you are an Omega,” he told me, his hands cupping my face. “Alphas and Omegas are meant to breed together.”

That stopped my hips rolling. Taking his hand, I slowly traced out “B-R-E-E-D?”

As if completely misunderstanding my concern, Cullen nodded and took his hand back to pull his shirt off. I must have given him a crazy look, because he took my hand and brought it down to a pouch around his neck. “Don’t worry--so long as I’m wearing this, there won’t be any children.”

I was relieved by that. Definitely relieved, but also a little sad? And then very annoyed that this world had figured out male birth control and the other hadn’t. It didn’t matter. My hips began to move again, and I cast it aside.

Cullen grinned wolfishly at my movement, clearly enjoying watching me try to work him. “Alphas and Omegas are the only ones who can mate like this.” He thrust up a little harder. “You’re so beautiful,” he said in a ragged whisper. “You’re so beautiful on my knot, Meg.”

I stopped moving.

Cullen did too, though clearly with some effort. My eyes went to his and I felt tears well up. I wanted to say it, wanted to tell him I didn’t want to hear anyone else’s name on his lips. But no voice came when I mouthed the word “Meg” and put a finger over his mouth.

His jaw worked carefully, then he straightened his spine so that I had to tilt my head up to see him. _“Omega,”_ he breathed. I shivered. “Do you like that?”

I barely sounded like a question, but I nodded all the same. Fuck there was something about his voice that just _worked_ for me. I felt a fresh rush of slick leave me, and Cullen smirked.

“Oh,” he said, slowly working with me. “Little Omega likes that?”

I nodded, my hands coming to his shoulder to help me push down. But Cullen was holding back, barely moving against me. Screwing up my face I tried to make him move with me.

“What’s wrong, little Omega?” he teased. Taking a fistful of my hair, he pulled me up to him, growling, “What do you need?” I shuddered as the velvet and gravel in his voice washed over me.  

My eyes opened-- _you_ , I mouthed.

His eyes narrowed and he flipped us over so that I was face-down underneath him. “I asked,” he said, withdrawing from me completely, “what do you need, little Omega?”

I whined at the heavy emptiness that filled me. The loss of him inside me was so lonely, it was almost heartbreaking. Turning my head back to him, I bucked back against him.

“ _Omega._ ”

My eyes snapped up to Cullen and my mouth slowly formed the correct word: “ _Alpha._ ”

It felt so right in my mouth, so comfortable and safe. Just like it did when he pushed back into me. Despite the position, Cullen was being so gentle. His hands drifting across my back, soft compliments falling from his mouth. _You’re so perfect--I knew you would be--Omega, Omega, my Omega…_

_Alpha Alpha Alpha_

Fire filled me, and I came up onto my knees, desperate to feel more of him against me. Cullen clung to me, his arms folded across my chest, as we moved together. As he rested his forehead against me, I could feel his breath on my shoulder. Something there was sensitive, so unbelievably sensitive. Goosebumps crept over me as Cullen continued to use long, slow strokes. Just the feeling of his warm breath, his sweet smell, was enough to set me over the edge.

Cullen kept fucking me gently through my orgasm, whispering again-- _you’re so lovely when you come_. Strange sounds poured from my mouth, my attempt at moaning. If Cullen didn’t like them, he didn’t show it. His hands came up to my shoulders, and he just grazed that spot when the spasm it produced knocked me back onto my hands and knees.

There was a snarl behind me, and everything changed. Cullen began a punishing pace, fast and hard and everything I needed. Sounds tore their way out of my broken throat, joining his grunts. All of the sounds and were slamming through me and I fell forward as I came a second time.

Cullen made a triumphant sound and came down to my ear as he gripped my ass tighter. “My Omega,” he snarled.

My body was shaking from all the sensations, I couldn’t find my breath. All I could do was nod and try to keep up. He was building up to it, I could tell, things were moving faster and faster. The knot was growing again, and it became my only thought. His hand came underneath, holding me by my breastbone against him. “ _Mine._ ”

And just like in my dream, his head came down to my shoulder. But instead of teeth, I felt his hot tongue drag across the skin and suck. His orgasm tore through both of us, making me come for a third time. Everything went spectacularly white as his knot locked into place.

We were both shuddering and panting as he maneuvered us onto our sides. He fumbled with my hair, moving it out of my face, his head bending down to kiss my neck gently. Just that was too much, and I shivered as his touch radiated through me. I was too fucked out to move.

“Such a sensitive Omega,” he whispered. “Such a perfect little Omega.”

Sighing happily, I nestled deeper into him. My eyes were struggling to stay open now. He chuckled, tucking me into him with his arm. “Sleep now, I’m here.”

I smiled. _Cullen’s here._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for reference, she's about 5'1 and Cullen's 6'5, so here's a picture of [Kristen Chenoweth and Lee Pace.](https://gifer.com/en/HWBn)
> 
> ok and maybe another, [because I love the tall/smol dynamic.](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BNDgyNjYyMzkwOF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwMzkwNzk3._V1_.jpg)


	9. Chapter 9

The world was coming back to me slowly, but there were two things I knew for certain: one, I was starving, and two, I needed Cullen again.

I rolled over, looking for him behind me, but there was no one. Something inside me didn’t like that, couldn’t understand that, _where was he?_ A stupid whimper escaped me, a small sound of abandonment.

“M-- _Omega?_ ” Cullen called.

I jolted up. I couldn’t tell where he was, just that he was somewhere in the tower. The light below flickered as some footsteps came up the ladder. “Are you all right?”

He came through the trapdoor, a plate of food in one hand and waterskin tucked under his chin. Nodding shakily, I came up to my knees on the bed. _Why in the fuck did it matter_ so much _that he wasn’t there when I woke up?_ A nasty thought occurred to me--what if this was just a one-night stand? Or...whatever the fuck a Thedas Alpha/Omega one-night stand equivalent was. What if he didn’t want me after this.

Another needy noise came out of me, and Cullen was instantly by my side. “I just went down to grab some food, it’s okay,” he soothed over and over. He nuzzled my shoulder again, tentatively kissing that sensitive area. “I’ve got you, little Omega.”

Ignoring the food, I grabbed for him. Cullen had put his shirt back on, and I snatched it, yanking him closer. I wanted to push myself through him, mark him as my own, I wanted him to be _mine._

My mouth came up to the same spot on his shoulder and I grazed it with my teeth, like I wanted him to. Cullen sucked in a deep breath, his cock hardening again. “Omega…” he rumbled.

My leg was over him before I knew it, my arms pulling him deeper into me. But it was like trying to snuggle a tree when he didn’t try to snuggle me back.

I looked up at him, pouty and frustrated.

“You need to eat, little one,” he whispered.

I shook my head-- _no._

He gave a half-groaning laugh as I mounted him again, settling down onto the base of his cock.

Catching my face in his hands, he said, “Tell you what, little Omega, eat and I’ll knot you again.”

My eyes shot to his. His cock was inside me, I could have kept going, but now that we were joined again, I wasn’t so desperate. I could wait. I scrunched my face, but nodded. Cullen smiled at his victory and moved us back so that he was settled against his headboard.

I reached for the food, intending to wolf it down, but he stopped me. “Let me?” he asked softly. It surprised me, but his face was so earnest. My hands came back to our lap, and he smiled gratefully.

Careful of my position, he brought the tray between us. “What do you like?”

I looked it over...there was a meat pie, some fruit, vegetables, cheese and...my eyes bugged out...a large hunk of apple pie. I pointed to it eagerly. My stomach rumbled loudly and he smiled as he picked it apart.

“What’s your favorite part?” he asked, bring a piece of flaky crust to my lips. I couldn’t help feeling a little silly as he fed it to me, but he looked _so damn happy_ doing it. His grin was infectious.

He licked his fingers clean, then offered more pastry up to me. “Is it the crust?”

Biting my lip, I shook my head. He fed me the rest of the top sugared crust. I could hear Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry critiquing it in my head. _“Just the right amount of flavor.” “No soggy bottom here.”_ I laughed a little at the thought, and caught his look.

Bringing another piece of crust to me, he asked, “What’s so funny, little Omega?”

And then it wasn’t funny anymore. It was just sad. I wanted to share my Bake Off obsession with him, my favorite movies, my favorite songs, my best performances, my worst failures, I wanted to give him all the little pieces that made me _me._ My throat choked on it, unable to just fucking say it. His arms came up immediately to hold me as a thick sob escaped me.

I felt a tear go down my cheek, and my face went the wrong shape, trying to stop the crying. I had never cried in front of a boyfriend before. Not that Cullen was my boyfriend. And it wasn’t on principle, but just because I didn’t cry in front of anyone. Except my dad.

The thought of my dad only made me cry harder. I had been putting this off for three months, and now it was all crashing down on me. So now I was sobbing, still sitting on Cullen’s fucking dick. God this was wrong, and stupid. I was making this so awkward, he had to be thinking of ways to get himself out. Any boyfriend I had had before would definitely have tried to worm their way out.

But instead Cullen looked so goddamn earnest as he tried to comfort me. Little words, little phrases, little kisses. I could smell his concern radiating off of him. As he cradled my head on his shoulder, his hands coming around my sides to bring me closer to him, I knew this wasn’t a one-time thing for him. This meant something to Cullen too.

All I could do was sob into his chest.

Maybe a half hour later, as I slowly came down from my crying bender, he smoothed my hair. “What can I do?” he asked, his eyes pleading.

God, that he even wanted to meant _so much_. I tried to wipe my face clean. I’m the ugliest fucking crier--I had to look awful, and fuck, I never wanted to look ugly for him. I wanted to give him everything I could, everything I had. So I reached up and kissed him gently.

Cullen clearly didn’t know how to respond at first. He froze under my lips like our first time, but this time I knew for sure it wasn’t because he didn’t want it. He might have fallen out earlier, but I could feel his cock coming alive under me. My mouth went to his shoulder, to where that smell of redwoods was so clear, and inhaled deeply.

Abruptly I was back in the house I grew up in, sitting at the kitchen table. It was Sunday, waffle day. My dad had always made waffles for us before we went to church. I had always been a sugar fiend, so he would wait until my mother was pouring the orange juice before he would pass me the maple syrup. I would douse my waffles in this one brand we always used, direct from Canada, that was my absolute favorite.

I looked up to Cullen’s dazed eyes, shock plain on my face. That sweet note in his scent I had always known was there but couldn’t name--it was that maple syrup. Cullen smelled like home.

This time we moved together to kiss each other. They were small, desperate little kisses. He didn’t break contact as he took his cock and lined it up against me. We both stopped as I sank down, watching each other. Need was rolling off of us in waves. I wasn’t afraid anymore, my self-consciousness gone. He made everything hurt less.

Even if I could talk, I couldn’t have communicated how I felt in that moment. I was safe, I was protected, my Alpha was taking care of me.

I set the pace this time, working myself slowly up and down him, my eyes never leaving his. He was usually so responsive and loud, but this time he was soft, quiet. The small noises he made were just for me.

It seemed to take forever to pull myself up and down him. My hand drifted down, intending to rub my clit, but it stopped just above it. My jaw fell open--on my lean frame, I could actually feel him pressing back against me.

Moving myself down until I was fully seated, I could feel the outline of his cock in me. My face changed, becoming more needy and blissful as I pushed against it. Cullen groaned at the friction. God, it was so intense. I had never had anything like it. I was so full of him and his need.

My body began to move without me, taking us both with it. I could only clutch at him as we went. I couldn’t tell you if it was fast or slow, if it took a long time or over shortly, only that I was held and comforted.

He came before I did, grinding out a ragged _Omega_ , and as his knot locked I felt my body follow him.

This was home now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> two chapters in 24 hours
> 
> because the muse is with me and she hears the call of the horn.


	10. Chapter 10

This time Cullen was with me when I woke up. We sat in silence, me snuggling deeper into his side, as I ate. I all but chugged the waterskin he had brought up, I was so thirsty. He watched me patiently, smiling, and fed me more the pie.

When it was all but gone, I reached over and used my finger to scoop up the last of the gooey filling. Holding it up I mouthed “ _favorite_ ”, and stuffed it into my mouth.

Cullen smiled weakly. “I prefer savory pies, myself.” I picked up the meat pie and offered him some, but he shook his head. “I ate before,” he said. “When you were sleeping.”

I smiled softly. It had to have been about three days since this mess had started, and while the endless compulsion to fuck was just as loud, I felt something even louder than that. I couldn’t understand what it was though. I was desperate for sex, but I wanted something bigger than that. My hand went to my sensitive shoulder, holding it as if that would soothe the problem.

Cullen watched, and I felt a vague sense of alarm from him. I watched him as his face flickered through several emotions--lonely, sad, needy--but then he stood up. My body felt cold without him there next to me, even though I knew I was burning. I curled into myself against his headboard as he moved to stand at the foot of the bed.

“M--Omega,” he corrected. “I...your heat will be over in a day or so, and I…”

I held up my palm, making him stop. Carefully I traced “H-E-A-T-?”

Looking baffled, he nodded. “Your heat--the reason you’ve been--that we’ve been...well, you know.”

Yes I did know. But damn if it wasn’t adorable watching him squirm about it. He’d been inside me practically the entire time, but he couldn’t say _fucking._

But heat. That was a weird thought. Like an animal. It made sense--Alphas, Omegas, breeding...why not heat? My finger went to my palm again. “R-U-T-?”

He cocked his head to the side, maybe wondering how I picked that up without him saying it. Or maybe wondering how the hell I made it this far in life without knowing it. “Alphas can go into rut when they smell an Omega…”

I pointed it him. _You?_

“I...yes. My rut was triggered by your heat. And also,” he blushed a darling shade of red, “the night I came to you, when I said I didn’t want to do something stupid.”

I smiled at that, a little proud. I’d made him lose that control I could see he craved. Granted, I wished we didn’t share the words with dogs, but it was hot.

“I just.” He fumbled with his hands, as if trying to physically find the words. “Before we go again, I want you to know, I don’t want this to be over when your heat is.”

My eyes narrowed.

“I won’t claim you,” he explained. “But I want more, if you want do. And if you don’t, I’ll be here, I’ll be here for every one of your heats, un--until you find a mate.”

My mouth dropped. Moving down the bed towards him, I took his hand. “C-L-A-I-M?”

He was breathing through his mouth, and I realized he was rigidly hard now. “Alphas can claim omega, if the omega wants. They can be mated.”

_Mate._

The word settled into my brain, in a large, Cullen-sized space. It felt right, it felt calming, it felt _hot_. A fresh gush of slick ran down my thigh.

Cullen bit down hard on his lip as my finger slowly traced over his palm: “H-O-W?”

His breath stuttered, and I could see why, a little drop of precome was beading on his cock. He filled up my senses, and without meaning to, I slowly started stroking him. He cleared his throat loudly before he started.

“An Alpha would bite you,” he whispered, his hand coming to ghost over my shoulder. Electricity crackled under his hand, making me even more desperate. “Right here.”

Oh fuck I wanted that. I wanted it bad. I wanted him to lose control and knot me and fill me with children.

Fuck--children-- _what?_

But I couldn’t stop what I had started. The greedy moan escaped before I could stop it, and Cullen lost it.

He was on his knees in front of me, pulling my legs first out from under me, then over his shoulders. His hot breath on my thighs made me twist, desperate to get friction. I could have screamed when he started brushing his finger around the outside of my cunt.

It was almost painful as his finger moved around, not penetrating me. I was clenching around nothing, whining pathetically. Just as I was about to reach up and grab him, his face came forward and then I felt his hot tongue licking me.

I groaned. It was so precise, so careful, he was playing me like a prodigy. He was using long strokes with the flat of his tongue, slowly going up from my cunt to just below my clit. I could almost feel his nose on it as he passed it. It was fucking killing me, I need him to touch it, to lick it, to let me come.

But I also knew this was how he wanted me, needy and desperate and completely at his mercy. So my hands gripped the sheets instead of steering him forcefully by his hair. I could hold out for him, I could do this.

His tongue switched, pointing and gently dipping into my cunt, but still stopping just short of my clit. Christ, I was losing my mind. My arms thrashed against the bed, and he gripped me tighter across my abdomen so I couldn’t move.

My spine was in knots, heat crackling through me. I was hotter than I could ever remember being. My legs came off his shoulders, trying to squish his head.

Two things happened at once: Cullen’s tongue finally pressed against my clit, and my orgasm crashed through me. I all but squirted as my body released more slick, as if begging him to fuck me.

I was only dimly aware of what he was actually doing. “You taste so good, Omega,” he growled

I gasped and my body came off the bed, I was so sensitive.

Teeth grazing my clit.

“Like you were made for me.”

Teeth grazing my cunt.

“Like I was made for you.”

Two fingers plunged into me, just as his tongue went back to my clit. He kept fingering me, his tongue snaking patterns around my clit. The sensations were racing through me, I couldn’t focus on just one, but then his fingers crooked, and my body zeroed in on that, coming again.

I mewled when I felt his smallest finger brush below.

“Does my little Omega want this?” he asked, his eyes watching me intently from between my thighs.

 _Oh, fuck yes._ I nodded hard.

I felt his laugh against my cunt, as he brought his pinky up to the slick. There was the smallest pressure and then I felt so completely full. He moved slowly at first, letting me adjust and loosen up, then sat back on his heels to watch his work.

Feeling him moving the three fingers through me was almost too much. I almost felt too tight to hold all them, even though I knew his cock was larger. But having both holes filled was such a new sensation. I had never let anyone do this to me before. And I wanted him to be the one to do it, I wanted him to be the one with me through every heat.

_My Alpha_

_Mate Mate Mate_

My spine arced backwards and visions filled my head of marriage, a house, my belly heavy with our child. My hands came down to my belly, holding it, as if trying to feel a baby there now.

The moment Cullen’s tongue came back to my clit, my third orgasm started. This time I could feel my cunt fluttering to pull his fingers in deeper, trying to find his knot. Cullen must have too, because he was quickly on top of me, pulling us farther up the bed.

Lining himself up with me, he held me by the chin so he could look into my eyes. “My little Omega,” he said, his voice low and dark.

I nodded on his hand, the same hand that had just fucked me out of my mind, and the tip slid in. My eyes rolled back at how big he felt in me. It was as though he was somehow larger this time.

But then he pulled back out. I came up on my elbows in protest, almost smacking foreheads with him.

He pushed me down firmly by my chest, then pressed his other hand to my belly, holding me still. Again he pushed in, only letting the head pop through, before he withdrew. I groaned loudly, half in displeasure, half in pleasure.

He could have worked me like that for an hour, I have no idea. My body was practically grinding down on itself, trying to find more of Cullen.

But then his rhythm changed, and suddenly he thrust hard and fast, all the way in. I gave a loud shout in surprise, but just as fast he was gone, back to teasing me. My arms were twisting in his blanket, taking out my frustration where I could. A few more small pushes, and then I was filled again. I moaned, my body fluttering around. I would come if he would just--

But then he pulled out again, and I screamed. My body curling around nothing, orgasming from the feeling he had just taken away from me.

I glared up at him, trying to figure out his game. His face was almost a mask, he denying himself to make this last. Cullen wanted control of this, he wanted me the way he wanted me. Our eyes locked and then I knew. He wanted to fuck me so that I would never want anyone else again. He wanted me for himself.

A short gasp caught in my throat, and then my body melted. I was ready, I was ready for everything he would give me, however he would give it to me.

Cullen’s eyes searched my face, as if working to understand what just happened. His hand came up to my face, cupping it gently, and I knew he was asking if I was all right.

Christ, I was more than all right. I had lost everything, but every moment I was with him, I was gaining more. He was redwoods and maple syrup, he was dancing down a tree and he was a sweet person taking care of me, Cullen was home.

I had only word left. “Cullen,” I gasped.

His eyes widened at the sound of my voice, and everything changed.

Now we were rocking together, he was letting me in, letting me share this moment with him. We were holding each other tightly, our hands taking whatever they could. This was the heart of it, and I felt like my chest was cracking open. Emotions were spilling out of me--happiness, satisfaction, but most of all, contentment.

And I could feel his emotions mirrored back. The need, the hope, the openness. Cullen leaned over me, kissing me as though he was feeling everything I was. I could feel the base of my spine tightening, my walls closing on him, refusing to let go of my Alpha.

There was another rush of wetness as I came, and I moaned into our kiss. Cullen twitched on top of me, he was swelling at the base again. He came down to his elbows, his mouth never leaving mine, as one hand travelled down our bodies to my clit.

I screamed into him, the sensations pulling me every which way. My hand came down, too, pushing against him in my abdomen. I wanted more, I needed more, just press a little harder and I could--

His knot locked, and I could actually feel him coming into me. His finger kept working now his cock couldn’t, and I could feel it coiling my heat tighter and tighter. When the fifth orgasm washed over me, all the tension in my body evaporated. Muscles I didn’t know I had loosened, I was boneless.

Cullen came down, nuzzling my neck and shoulder. “My perfect little Omega.”

His voice caused an involuntary clench around his cock, and we both shivered through a ghost of an orgasm. His hand came to hold mine, clutching it between our chests. He kissed it reverently, his eyes saying something I felt beginning in myself. Something deep inside me folded into him and this time I knew my voice would be there.

“Chloe,” I rasped. “My name is Chloe.”


	11. Chapter 11

Cullen’s eyes were wide in the candlelight.

Oh fuck.

I looked down at our hands, still joined on my chest. My heart was beating so hard, it actually pushed at our hands slightly. I couldn’t regret speaking, I wouldn’t. But fuck, I wanted to run. If he was angry, if he turned me down now, I would lose it.

“Chloe,” he whispered above me.

I was still frozen.

“Chloe, are you all right?”

My throat choked on his words. _Are you fucking kidding me?_ After everything, and _that’s_ his first question.

“Chloe, please look at me.”

My eyes met his and it took all of my very small reserves not to immediately cry. Cullen frowned, his hand opening across my chest. “Breathe,” he told me. “Just breathe for now.” He took deep, steadying breaths with me, as if trying to teach me by example. He nodded as my heart rate slowed. “That’s good, Chloe, that’s really good.”

His kind words stung and I couldn’t look him in the eye as I asked, “Mad?”

I had meant to put a subject and a verb there, but my mind hadn’t managed. “Am I?” he asked. “Or are you?” My eyes rolled hard behind my lids--I just wanted the answer, not for him to be even nicer. My finger, still wrapped in his on my chest, pointed up to him.

“Am I mad?” he repeated. “At you?”

I nodded, still not looking.

The last thing--the absolute _last_ thing I expected was for him to start belly laughing. My eyes snapped open, glaring up at him. The look was somewhat undercut by the fact that every time his stomach moved, his cock flexed inside of me.

When he caught my eyes, his laughter softened. His hand gripped mine a little tighter. “Of course not I’m not mad Chloe, why would I be?”

For a commander of an army, I thought the answer would be a little obvious. I pointed at myself, trying to explain. All I managed was, “Secrets.”

The smile on his face died.

It occurred to me then that it might not have been the smartest idea to start this conversation while we were physically locked together. Cullen drew himself up onto his free hand, looking at me warily. “Will your secrets hurt the Inquisition?”

No. Fuck, of course that would be his first thought. I shook my head vigorously.

“The Inquisitor? My army?”

No, of course not. I was Chloe, not some great Thedassian spy. Thedassian? Thedosian?

I felt him sigh above me, and I knew he was asking the question that mattered. “Will your secrets hurt me?”

I honestly didn’t know the answer. Not being from this world, not knowing anyone or anything about it, being trapped here--I didn’t know how I felt about it, let alone how he would. I lifted my chin and shrugged. There was nothing else to say.

He gave a huff above me, then, hitching my leg around him, rolled us so I was on top. “I’ll take my chances, then.”

I stared down at him, completely baffled. He must have understood, because he said, “Chloe, I’ve got secrets of my own. Secrets that definitely could…” He trailed off, his eyes going to his armor, now hung on the mannequin. His eyes came back to me, shaking his head as it to clear it. “I’m not just some Alpha in a rut, Chloe. I’ve meant everything I’ve said these past two days. I’m in, if you are.”

My heart stumbled over itself. This was more than just fucking, for both of us. I can’t pretend I didn’t think about how protective Cullen would be, of how safe I would be with him and the Inquisition permanently. But that’s not what made me want to stay--he did. I could live with losing my old life, if it meant I kept this.

“In.”

Cullen’s mouth was on mine faster than breathing, but his lips and tongue were so gentle. His hands came to hold my face, as if I were something delicate and precious. I sighed deeply into the kiss, no longer hot and needy, but instead warm and loved.

When his knot finally deflated, he brought up more food from the downstairs. I realized the heat must almost be over, since that had to be the longest I’d been able to withstand being separated from him. After a small meal of cornbread, apples, and cheese, my eyes started to droop. Cullen tucked us into his bed, my back to his chest, and we fell asleep.

* * * * * * * * * * *

I was in my kitchen, my hair in two plaits. I remember the dress I was wearing, flowers with a collar, when my mother came and sat me down to talk about babies. She was pregnant, she wanted me to understand her situation. Her fingers guided mine to feel her little bump, telling me how my brother was inside there, that he couldn’t wait to meet us. She lost the baby a few days later, after my eighth birthday. I never wore my favorite dress again, but I also never stopped being fascinated with pregnancy.

Kids were always part of my plan, once I found the right time and the right man. As I woke up in Cullen’s arms, I somehow knew this was going to be the last of my heat and my brain tripped a wire.

_Alpha’s gonna take care of you, Alpha’s here, Alpha’s going to breed you so good._

_Show your Alpha how good you are._

But I was empty. Cullen wasn’t in me, I needed him back inside me. A whiny mew left me as I moved around his body. At my noise, Cullen’s concerned eyes flicked open and his hands came to my legs. He tugged them towards him, as if to help me position myself, but I swung them away from him. There was an annoyed sound behind me, but I didn’t care. The only thing I can say is that the performer in me took over.

 _My turn_.

Cullen was trying to pull me into his lap, but my I swung my leg over his. My position facing backward on top of his thighs effectively locked him down. Not that he couldn’t overpower me, but I knew he wouldn’t. Not when I was dripping onto the tops of his legs.

My first big role, back when I was 21, was Alice in a production of _Closer_. It was easily one of my favorite roles, especially because of all the prep I did for it. Like the stripper classes.

My shook my hair out of my face as I turned to look at him. Cullen was watching me that smirk of his. I returned it just as smugly, and he raised an eyebrow in challenge. As he brought his hands behind his head, I turned back around. Some needy voice in the back of my head kept whining over and over if I was good enough.

_Present Present Present Present to Alpha_

My brain sucked the marrow out of the thought. I didn’t understand it intellectually, but my I did physically. As my knees took me closer to his groin, my hands traced down the insides of his legs as I arched forward. I heard his breathing stop when I pulled my hips lightly over his cock, my cunt leaving a wet trail behind.

Looking over my shoulder, I gave him a triumphant smile.

What didn’t notice as a slowly dragged my cunt harder across him was that I was barely breathing. That all my concentration was going to my arching and flexing hips and not to my lungs. I was drunk on him--on his smell, on his touch, on his Alpha.

When he pushed his body up against mine, desperate for more friction, and I knew I had him. I could hear his groaning, sating my whiny fears. I was so dizzy I could practically taste his need now, his scent was filling the room, overpowering mine. It tasted dark and rich, but still with that sweet note of maple syrup.

My hips stuttered as a cramp ripped through me. I actually cried out from it, holding onto myself. Immediately Cullen was sitting up, holding me, telling me he would fix it. “It’s my scent’s fault,” he explained apologetically. A moment later my back was against his chest, and he was pushing his cock up into me.

The weird aftershakes of pain stopped immediately.

_Alpha knows how to take care of you._

I growled at the voice, wanting to ignore it. My hands reached behind me, pushing him down so that I was sitting on him.

_I know how to take care of Alpha._

I wanted to show him every move I knew, every swirl, undulation, and drop I had. But instead I stopped, lost in how _full_ I felt. My hands drifted from my waist up to my hair, throwing it back. Despite having absolutely ignored almost all hygiene for days, I felt beautiful and luxurious seated on his cock. I stretched my back upwards, flexing my core, and we both groaned at the sensation.

Cullen’s hands came to my thighs, spreading my legs wider. I expected him to start thrusting, but instead he slowly began to draw his knees toward me. I threw my head back, every inch he brought his knees up split my own legs open wider.

My hips settled heavily over Cullen’s. He was deeper inside me than I think he’d ever been. I clutched at his knees, ignoring all the old scars, and used them to help me bring myself up. But I didn’t get far, I loved the feeling of him so deep inside me too much. Instead I began to rock back and forth, letting my body indulge.

I still wasn’t breathing properly, and it was becoming more and more of a problem. But I couldn’t change it, I didn’t know how, I didn’t want to lose this moment. I knew I was going to come from this alone, and I didn’t want to stop it.

Cullen’s right hand rescued me, snaking around my front to my clit. He barely touched it and abruptly my climax crashed down on me. I could feel my muscles inside, desperately pulling and twisting on him, and Cullen growled.

His hands seized mine, pulling me down to him, and I writhed on top him. He still was barely moving, but he felt so _heavy_ in me.

Something under my back was scratching at me. My hand fumbled around to find that pouch he had showed me earlier--his birth control. I couldn’t explain myself, I can’t explain myself, but in that moment I found it fucking offensive. My hand snatched it and tore it off Cullen before he could stop me, a soft _thump_ announcing its arrival on the first floor.

For a moment, Cullen and I stared at each other. His eyes were dark, his face impassive. Just as my anxiety was to put a new hole in his roof, he launched at me.

Huge hands seized mine, clutching across my body as he shifted so we could kiss. Suddenly he was thrusting, giving it to me harder than he had the whole time. Words and grunts and nonsense spilled out of me as he pounded me against him.

_So good for you, Alpha, so good_

His scent had changed. It was more pleased, more primal than I’d ever smelt it. Our hands were gripping my belly, as if we could feel our child already. I pulled away from his mouth, moaning at the thought, my neck twisting to the side. I wanted it all--I wanted the heat, the rut, the claim, the breeding.

My shoulder instinctively moved closer to his mouth, craving his bite. I wanted it, I wanted it, I wanted him.

Cullen exhaled heavily on the tender skin and my back arched off of him, orgasming at the electricity it sent through my body.

_Alpha Alpha Alpha_

I was babbling. The world had completely realigned to our bodies’ needs and I couldn’t think anymore. I was gone.

_Breed me breed me breed me_

I could feel his knot growing, and now words were falling out of his mouth too. Words I couldn’t follow.

_Claim me claim me claim me_

Cullen’s hand left mine on my breast and shot down to my clit, rubbing it in a race with his inflating knot.

His hot breath came to my shoulder, I squirmed in his arms to see him licking his lips.

 _So close, so close,_ _Alpha_

My body took me over the edge and a second later he roared against my shoulder, his knot locking us in.

My eyes glazed over, I was so full, I was so happy, but I was still lonely. Blearily I turned my head to my shoulder, looking for his claim. But there was no mark, no bitemarks. I whimpered faintly as he turned us over onto our sides, whispering praise in my ears. I couldn’t understand and I couldn’t stay awake.

Two tears slid down my cheeks as I fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took for-fucking-ever, holy god.
> 
> Also, this is Natalie Portman as [ Alice in Closer](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceTBcVLeUtI), and cannot recommend it enough if you love human trainwrecks.


	12. Chapter 12

I can’t be sure what woke me up, the stinging of my shoulder or the shuffling of someone moving around on the first floor. But my head felt clear for the first time in days, it was over. It was all over.

The bed absolutely reeked of sex--Cullen would probably new sheets and mattress.

Cullen.

A weird cold washed over my shoulder, making the sting increase. I didn’t bite back the yelp in time.

“Chloe?”

Oh fuck. Oh fuck I didn’t want to do this now. His footsteps up the ladder echoed and I burrowed deeper into the blanket. I kept looking everywhere but at him. I’d hooked up before, had a few one-night-stands, but never a marathon like that, and never felt anything as deep. I wasn’t ashamed, exactly. Maybe a little. But much more embarrassed. He came to sit on the foot of his bed, and I flinched away, bringing my legs up.

A sad look passed over his face, quick as a shot, and I felt a pang of guilt. He cleared his throat carefully, then asked, “Chloe, was this your first heat with an Alpha?”

I nodded, then realized my mistake and shook my head.

Cullen cocked his head, was trying to work out what I was communicating. “So...you have spent at least one heat with an Alpha?”

I shook my head.

“I--sorry, how old are you, Chloe?”

I almost opened my mouth, but I couldn’t find the courage. Instead I held up my hand, my finger writing “2-9”. If he was disappointed I wasn’t speaking, he didn’t show it. He just looked really confused. “You’re twenty-nine, you’re unclaimed, _and_ you’ve never spent a heat with an Alpha?”

Obviously this was very weird in this culture. Putting it all together like that, it sounded strange even to me. Given the state of my teeth and my skin, people would be forgiven for thinking I was younger. And given how I behaved in my heat, I can’t imagine how omegas have survived here. The thought of going through that alone...without someone you trust…

But then, hadn’t I done that when I first got here? People certainly acted like I had. I don’t remember being so horny, just lots of pain. Even before Cullen got back, the pain of waiting and working through it alone was nothing compared to what I went through when I first got here.

“Chloe?”

I snapped up, realizing Cullen must have asked me something. He sighed, scrubbing the back of his neck. “It’s almost time for morning drills, I have to get going. But I still--we still--I’d like to talk more. Tonight. After you finish work?”

That...would work. I could think things over or just ignore everything until then. I nodded and Cullen gave me a tight smile. He got up and started putting his armor on.

I tried not to watch, but part of me felt like it would be good to know, in case I ever got to take it off of him again. But why hadn’t he claimed me? The thought made me wince, it was so fucking needy. In any case, I also needed to get dressed. I looked around, unsure where I had left my clothes. Gathering the blanket around me, I curled over to look under the bed.

“Let me--” Cullen offered, coming over to me. Immediately I jumped back.

This time the look of pain wasn’t short-lived. Again that voice came back, the little one worrying about displeasing Alpha. Worse, his scent changed perceptibly, becoming more anxious. Fuck. I watched as he fished the clothes out from under the bed, trying to think of a way to ease him. And also trying to understand why I had always been so concerned about him.

He came up, bringing up my pants and tunic. The leggings were caked in my slick, no way I could wear them out. I flushed at the old smell of my own horniness. And I thought it was bad when discharge would ruin my old underwear back home…

I really didn’t want to look at him as I took the clothes back, but I couldn’t help it--I wanted to see his reaction. He was blushing a bit too, and breathing through his nose, like he always did when he was avoiding my scent. That was both a relief (he wanted me), and an embarrassment (oh god bodies are gross).

“You shouldn’t wear those, someone might get the wrong idea,” he told me. “Do you have other clothes back?”

I shook my head, I hadn’t wanted to use my money until I could afford something just as sturdy. Cullen’s eyes went wide and he looked over at his dresser. “I could--if you like I have some clothes you could wear.” He crossed over to it, pulling the drawers out. “You’ll have to roll up the sleeves, and I think I have some breeches that won’t swamp you...much.” He held them up. They only went down to his knees, but that would probably reach my shins, if not my ankles.

He folded them neatly and brought them over, along with a belt. “I’ll talk to Josephine about getting you some clothes. If you like,” he added quickly.

I mean, _of course_ I like. _Of course_ I wanted new clothes. But it felt weird just being offered them. I vaguely remembered Josephine from when I first arrived, she was one of the councillors. Maybe I could work out a payment plan with her. I nodded and he went back to work putting on his armor.

When he was finished he turned to me, opening his mouth. But he seemed to think better of it, instead giving me a half smile and turning to leave. I watched him disappear, his scent needling me. I know he couldn’t control it, but I could taste his worry.

Pulling on the oversized shirt, which came almost to my knees, I watched him move around the first floor. I knew he wouldn’t look up, I could tell from his scent. There was something there, something bitter, almost sour. I hated it in my nostrils probably about as much as he hated his body producing it.

With some papers in hand, he made for the door, blushing as his smell got worse. I was off the bed before I knew it, haphazardly climbing down the ladder, rushing into his arms. His surprise didn’t stop him from grabbing me and hoisting me up for a kiss.

Somehow it wasn’t awkward. In my mind, I knew it should be. Kissing someone like this while barely knowing them. But it just wasn’t. It was safe and gentle, even as he pulled me closer to his cold, armored chest. His scent changed immediately, and I realized, so did mine. The sour note was mine, not his.

Shit, did I smell? What did I smell like?

I forgot to care as his tongue slipped into my mouth. Even without the heat, my body responded to him like no one I had ever met. I pulled myself up, trying to wrap my legs around him, before he stopped me, laughing gently.

“I still have to go back to work.” He said, his nose brushing mine. “Tonight?”

* * * * * * * * * * *

I spent the rest of the day in a bit of a daze, first going to the bathhouse, then to the tavern. Cabot raised his eyebrows at Cullen’s clothes, but didn’t say a word about it. Only that the Alpha who had used his voice on me was banned from the Herald’s Rest. “I don’t hold with rape,” he explained.

It was a crazy evening, but no crazier than usual. The Inquisitor, Bull, and his Chargers were buying rounds for everyone, proud some dragon hunting they had been doing (because again, why not fucking dragons?). When Bull came up to the bar to order more, I reached out a hand, mouthing “ _Thank you_.” He gave me a shot of whatever he was drinking as a welcome, telling me it would some chest on my chest. Not exactly a fair trade, especially since it was practically paint thinner. It reminded me of báijiǔ back home, and I hated that shit too. But it did get me instantaneously tipsy.

It only ten and I was falling asleep against the bar. After everything over the past week, I was just exhausted. Cabot sent me away, but not before I grabbed another shot off of Bull. It was much easier to march over to Cullen’s tower after some liquid courage. 

There was light in his tower, but I had no idea what to do...knock, enter, knock then enter, enter then knock. Thedas really had kicked my ass back to being thirteen.

I decided to knock.

“Come in.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in 24 hours.
> 
> Brought to you by anxiety. Anxiety: for when the whole country needs a Xanax.


	13. Chapter 13

It’s weird walking into a situation when your body has already made your decision, but your mind hasn’t. After spending the day thinking about Cullen, there was no denying I wanted to be with him. Hell, I felt halfway to in love with him. But we had barely had the chance to talk. Everything he had done and said was right, he was exactly the kind of person I’d always wanted to meet. But technically, I knew nothing about him other than he was very kind and thoughtful towards me. I’d never dated anyone in the military before, and now that I thought about it that way, it sort of unsettled me.

Cullen would be off going into battles, and I would always be left behind. He could die, and it would take days, maybe weeks, for me to find out. He could be wounded, and there would be no medivac, no penicillin, he could die in pain…

And all of this is implying he even wanted me. I had to tell him about myself and where I came from, there was no way I knew enough about Thedas to bullshit my way. Plus, if any of this was real, I didn’t want to lie anyway.

I just had no idea how the fuck to prepare for this conversation. Not that I really had time now anyway.

There was another officer in the room, Cullen and he were deep in discussion over a map. When he saw me, Cullen stood and smiled. The other man shot him a fond look and began clearing the table.

“We’ll discuss this more tomorrow, Commander,” the man said, exiting through the side door.

Cullen went to the corner and brought over another chair that had definitely not been there before so we could sit down. “First of all,” he said, holding the chair out for me. “I want you to know the Alpha who threatened you has been sent the most remote corner of the Hissing Wastes.”

I had no idea where that was, but it sounded good to me. As I sat, I gave him a puzzle look because I definitely hadn’t told him about that.

“Cole told me this morning. Then Bull did this afternoon. The Inquisitor has a very strong policy against Alphas using their Voice on Omegas, especially for a Beta. So this punishment is--”

OK two more words I didn’t know. I held up a hand, and Cullen stopped, frowning but allowing me to go. The problem was, I wasn’t sure I was ready. Fuck. I’d already spoken in front of him, it should be fine. It just...wasn’t easy.

Words felt awkward in my mouth now, like suddenly my tongue was both too big and too small to manage. “V-Voice?”

Cullen’s frown deepened. “Yes, an Alpha’s Voice.”

I shook my head, I had clearly experienced it, but I didn’t understand it.

He sat back in his chair, looking perplexed. “An Alpha can use their Voice to command Omegas and to a lesser extent, Betas. It’s supposed to help with certain feelings--anxiety, worry--but there are some who abuse their power…”

“’eta?” I asked, unable to get my mouth around the “b”.

“Betas?” he repeated, his eyebrows now rising. “Most people are Betas, like the Inquisitor. But…” he stopped, squirming slightly as if he didn’t know what to say. “Chloe, I don’t understand how you can be 29 and not know these things?” He ended the sentence on a higher note, as if the statement was a question.

I scratched my face, trying to cover the blush that was spreading. No, I really didn’t make sense to anyone from this world. “’m no’ from here.”

“Here?” he repeated. “From Ferelden? Or Orlais?”

Nope. I shook my head, not meeting his eye. “No’ from ’edas,” I mumbled.

The tears were out before I could stop myself. That nasty ache of emotional crying hit my chest and my hands came to push it, as if compression would help the hurt. Pure confusion radiated off of Cullen, but I now I could sense I was drowning it out with my pain. It just hurt so goddamn much to look at this stuff.

I could hear some ‘er’s and ‘um’s from across the table, but I couldn’t bear to look up. A handkerchief appeared in front of me, and I quickly buried my face in it.

“Chloe?” Cullen asked, probably staring into a face full of handkerchief. “Chloe, did you say you’re not from Thedas?”

I nodded in the handkerchief.

There was a long pause, then I heard the creak of the chair as he sat back. “That--that’s your secret? That you’re not from Thedas?”

He sounded remarkably calm for someone who was just told they’ve been fucking an alien or whatever. I peeked over the handkerchief to see him looking perplexed instead of angry or confused or scared. Our eyes met. “Yes.”

“Huh.” I could see him mind working. “And there are no Alphas and Omegas where you are from?”

I shook my head, spending a tense moment staring at him until he stood and dragged his chair over next to mine. “That...makes some sort of sense, I suppose.”

That brought me out of the handkerchief. _The fuck kind of reaction…?_ My mind went in a million different directions-- _is he crazy, is there some kind of precedent for this, am I hallucinating?_ \--but Cullen reached over and took my hand.

“Cole has been...saying _things_ for awhile. I asked him about you when you first arrived, if he sensed any danger in you.”

At least had the decency to blush for setting a mind reader on me. “I’m sorry, it’s just from the moment I saw you--the moment I scented you--I wanted to know more.”

“No fair,” I told him.

He chuckled but agreed. “I am sorry. I just--nothing about you made sense. Not your clothes or behavior, not your profession or your looks…” He trailed off, sighing heavily and looking out the door. “I think...I think Cole’s been preparing me.”

I cocked my head.

“He used words I’d never heard and talked about your family and your favorite trip to K--Kalforya.”

Kalforya? I pulled the word apart in my head, trying to understand what it was. My favorite trip to Kalf… “Califor’ia,” I corrected incorrectly, wincing at my pronunciation.

“Califorya,” Cullen repeated uncertainly. Close enough. “The pieces he’s told me about you only make sense if you’re not from here.” He rubbed his forehead, “It’s...strange, for sure. But, well, strange things are becoming a norm lately…”

I frowned at him. “You’re OK with...” I gestured at myself, unsure of how to put it.

A sad look came over his face, in spite of his smile. “I said it’s strange, not bad.”

I stared at him. What the fuck kind of world did I land in that someone can accept news like this…? And how the fuck was I so lucky to find this man? With a tentative smile, I reached out. But his hands were hot and clammy, and suddenly his expression changed from thoughtful to grim. Taking one with both of mine, I looked up at him, worried.

“I should…” he started. “I’m not…”

I brought the hand up to my cheek slowly, my eyes never leaving his. Just having him hold my face like this made my heart skip.

Abruptly he pulled away and stood up.

“Chloe, I have to tell you…” he started, pacing behind his desk. “You need to know…” He stopped, his face becoming that strange mask he wore sometimes. “I need to tell you the truth, and you may not want me when I’m done.”

I snorted.

I didn’t mean to, I certainly shouldn’t have. The man clearly mean it. But like...really? _Really?_ He was just such a fucking Boy Scout. It took a moment to get past myself, but I got there. I got my expression under control, saying, “Sorry.”

He scratched the back of his neck, and shook his head. “I couldn’t claim you before telling you the truth. You deserve to know what you’re getting into.”

I blushed, remembering my begging and babbling. But...that was an obnoxiously good point. We both needed to be honest before we went any further.

“When I was eight, I decided I wanted to be a Templar. I wanted to help--” It all sounded very prepared until he stopped short, peering at me. “Do you know what a Templar is?”

“Magic guar’.”

He considered that. “Well, they protected mages. But they don’t have magic.”

That surprised me a bit. I guess I had been thinking you needed magic to work with mages.

“I joined the Order when I was thirteen. I--I wanted to devote my life to service and protection. I was stationed in the Fereldan Circle.” He looked up, maybe a little hopefully, to see if that meant anything to me. I shrugged and shook my head. “It was--there was an uprising. Most of the others made it out, but…”

“...you didn’t,” I finished, starting to understand where this might go.

He nodded absently as he returned to pacing. “I was trapped in the tower with the blood mages and I was...they summoned demons--” my eyes went wide-- _demons?_ “--and they tortured me. For a week. By the end, I was the only one left.”

My mouth dropped in horror.

“I’m not proud of the man it made me,” he said quickly, as if trying to explain himself to my reaction. The anxiety in his scent was spiking. “I was angry and I was...I was cruel. After Ferelden, they sent me to Kirkwall--a city-state north of here. And I behaved abominably. My Knight-Commander, Meredith, she was twisted and corrupted, but I didn’t see it until it was too late.”

He sighed. “A mage blew up the Circle and Meredith went mad. In the end, she had to be put down.” He stopped, then went to his bookshelf and pulled a box and a book out. He put the book in front of me. “It’s all in here, if you want to read it.”

The book sat between us. I couldn’t tell if it would be better to ignore it or to take it, but I felt Cullen wanted me to do something. Looking between him and the book, I brought it towards me but didn’t open it.

“You did bad?” I asked slowly.

Cullen nodded.

“But you re--regret it?” The word felt slippery. “You wanna be good?”

He nodded vehemently.

That...was enough for me.

I can’t explain why. I’d only known the man for three months. Technically less. But it was enough. I’d been with assholes before, assholes who had done bad and didn’t care, assholes who had done bad and only pretended to care. That was not Cullen. I knew it, I knew his soul.

“OK,” I said.

Cullen blinked.

“OK?” he repeated.

I shrugged. “You’re goo’, I know it.” My tone was extremely casual, given the situation, but it was true.

He stared at me like I was insane for what felt like ages. Occasionally he would open his mouth as if to say something, but then he would shake his head and shut it. Finally he managed, “That’s...that’s it?”

I nodded.

He sat down. “That is...unexpected,” he said finally. His hands went to the box. “There is one more thing. Have you heard of lyrium?”

I shook my head.

“Part of being a Templar is lyrium.” He opened the box and brought out a bright blue vial. “Mages can take it, but Templars have to take it. It’s how they get their powers.” He caught my confusion and explained, “Templars can stop magics, but only with lyrium.” He sighed heavily. “But it comes at a cost. It’s addictive and dangerous to quit.

“I stopped taking it when I joined the Inquisition,” he said, turning the box around to me.

It looked like a pre-modern heroin kit, with a knife and spoon and some other objects I didn’t recognize. I couldn’t help flinching when I looked at it. How could a whole army of people be on a drug like this…?

“B--but you said it’s ’angerous.” Fuck, I just wanted to get _one_ sentence out without stumbling.

Cullen nodded.

“Can it…” I used all my acting techniques and concentration to get through the question: “Can it kill you?”

It was the slowest, most deliberate, and the absolute scariest thing I’d ever asked.

Cullen came around the table to kneel next to me, giving off a comforting scent. His hands clasped mine, and just his touch was soothing. “Yes, but it hasn’t.”

“Will it?”

His face changed, I could sense guilt and fear. He looked down as his eyes filled with tears. “It could.”

I can’t explain what came over me, but I was pissed. My eyes narrowed on the box and I grabbed it off the table and bolted for the door. Before Cullen could stop me I was outside on the wall, hurling the kit over the side.

Cullen was framed in the doorway, staring at me. He was lit from behind, I couldn’t see his face. From here I couldn’t smell his reaction. Fear washed over me, that wasn’t technically my decision to make. “I--I won’t let it,” I said by way of explanation.

The moment stretched between us and my stomach plummeted. I’d fucked up, I’d gone too far, he was mad. There was growl, I felt it deep in my bones, and Cullen closed the space between us in two strides.

He was towering over me, my head practically flung back to look him in the eye. “You still want me?” His voice was husky and dark. His heat was filling my nose, imbalancing me.

I pushed into the space between us.

“Yes.”

His lips crashed into mine as his hands pulled me toward him. The kiss was a mess, but it was a confirmation of everything I’d felt in the past months. Wrapping my arms around his neck, I jumped into his arms.

“Mine,” I told him, my lips fighting to get the word out between his kisses.

“Yours,” he said, one arm around my waist, one cupping my face. “Yours yours yours, Chloe.”

We were back in his tower, Cullen shutting the door with his foot. As I arched against him, Cullen’s hand brushed my shoulder and heat flooded my core. He set me down at the base of the ladder. I tried to keep my feet around him, but he pushed me off. “Upstairs,” he rasped.

I shook my head, trying to bring myself up to his lips again. Even without the heat, I physically needed him.

Cullen’s arms came down on my shoulders, his darkened eyes narrowed. “Bed. _Now._ ”

I fucking scampered up that ladder. I thought Cullen was just behind me until I turned around to see him expertly undoing his armor. As soon as he was through the trapdoor, we were kissing again, no longer separated by metal. His hands came up to my chest, thumbs just grazing the outside of my breasts, and I moaned into his mouth.

That seemed to undo him. Picking me up, he turned us around so that he could fall back on the bed. Now I was on top, mindlessly rubbing myself against him through his pants. My hands fumbled with my belt, and my shirt was off in seconds. It took a moment for him to realize I wasn’t wearing anything on top anymore, his eyes catching on my dark nipples. For a moment his face tightened, then he came up to sitting. Sweeping my hair over my shoulders, he caught my chin in his hands and pressed fervent kisses down my jaw to my throat.

“So beautiful,” he whispered against my neck, his fingers tracing their way down. He was using the back of his hands, brushing against my skin feather-soft even as his kisses became more passionate. The tips of his thumbs circled over my hardened nipples and I gasped at the heat it sent spiralling into my core. “You’re so beautiful.”

I wanted to see him, really see him for the first time. I knew his body by heart now, but all through the heat I hadn’t really been able to look at him. My hands were scrambling at his shirt, trying to pull it off. He chuckled darkly into my skin, one hand staying to massage my breast, the other helping to pull the shirt off. My hands came to his shoulders, pushing him down. But when I looked down, my heart caught in my throat.

His body was decorated in battle scars. Tiny, spidery ones; old, faint ones; and some that were fresh and welted. One particularly angry ran along his shoulder towards his armpit. “A-Adamant?” The word came out unevenly, despite my best efforts.

“Yes,” he breathed.

My body rolled as though it had been punched in the gut. Something like a sob caught in my chest and Cullen’s hand came to cup my face. “I’m here, I’m here,” he whispered. “I’m still here.”

 _But you could’ve died_ , I realized. I knew when he rode out that was a possibility, but I had barely ever faced it. Tears fell down my cheeks, my seduction gone.

Large arms came around me, enfolding me to his chest. “I’m here,” he said thickly. “I didn’t...I won’t…”

That was a promise we both knew he couldn’t make. I pulled myself deeper into him. My hug would have probably squeezed a smaller man, but Cullen was so big and broad...I wondered if I could ever hug him tight enough. If I could ever have enough.

Coming up to my forearms on his chest, we locked eyes. He clearly didn’t expect the kiss I dealt him, my mouth working over his until he reciprocated. It was searing, almost blinding. Our pants were off in a matter of moments, despite us barely letting go of each other. I wanted to pull him through me, into me, I wanted to keep him safe forever.

After so much sex, my body was exhausted and sore. Cullen seemed to sense it, pulling me down so that I was next to him on my side. Pulling me closer to his chest, he lined himself up and slid home in one. My body burned faintly at the stretch, but I couldn’t stop myself. We were moving with each other, each thrust pushing us further together. His arms came up around me, holding me tight, heat and need coiling down my spine as his breath ghosted over my shoulder.  
The needy sob I gave at that faint warmth would have been embarrassing any other time. But here, it was mutual. My head turned to look at him as he lowered his head down. Our eyes locked and I knew this time it was going to happen. I was just heartbeats away from my orgasm. His teeth grazed over my shoulder, his pupils blackening. No more secrets, no more hiding. _Now_ , I thought. _Now now now_.

His teeth broke through my skin, our climaxes ripping through us. Warmth radiated through me, to Cullen, then back again. Waves of compassion and comfort, reverance and rapture. We were the tide breaking, the ripples expanding.

I trusted this, I trusted us.

I couldn’t tell you how long we lay in each other’s arms, mirroring and reflecting each other’s emotions back to one another. Only that it wasn’t until his knot began to fade that I felt like I had space for any other emotions.

Turning over to face him, our faces equally tear-streaked, I began to laugh. Not cruelly or even humorously, but because it was all so much, so perfect. Cullen face broke into a wolfish grin, hugging me closer to him.

 _Mate,_ my body and mind sang. _My mate._


End file.
